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[February 18, 2009] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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Take care of yourselves, everyone.
I HATE this. Why do good people have to die? I scarcely knew her, hardly conversed with her even on the internet, am finding out weeks after the fact, but an influential and an overwhelmingly popular member of the greater online Rurouni Kenshin fandom, Haku Baikou, is no more.
Charlene is missed, there is no doubt.
more info available at http://cinema.usc.edu/about/news/charlene-sun-06.htm
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[December 23, 2008] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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Who I am--has changed.
Grand, elemental perspective shift, changed.
A revelation of magnitude I cannot express ^_^; but must be noted (as I just have).
I no longer hate "potential."
All those years I have heard about this "potential," and that I'm not living up to it, or that with an extreme degree of effort I could achieve greatness at such and such, I have hated hearing that word, especially applied to me.
My viewpoint has altered.
Now I laugh. Because, good with bad, I have also examined the why this has come about.
At its most basic, it's because I'm older. Really, it is. A few years can make a difference.
There's more to it than that, but--think about it--as you age, I'm sure you want to hear that there is yet more for you in times ahead.
In grade school, I was happy with who I was, and angry that no one else agreed with my self-worth. Their apparent perspectives wore me down; I lost most of that satisfaction with who I was. However, I am stubborn about some things, and who I am is one of them. Do NOT try to change me. [note: my defensiveness on this is from clinging to self-esteem despite not enough peer positive reinforcement and other factors. It has been essential to my survival as a person, therefore, near-irreversibly central to my identity. NOT to be lightly challenged.]
Change happens when I'm not paying attention, though...
So many years of hearing about "potential" has always been interpreted as not good enough or too much work; I'm a bit lazy, you know. I do not want to hear that I am not good enough or need to work harder, particularly when I am giving a lot of effort.
Lately, though, another side, the keep-options-open aspect of potential, has nearly won out. Delay of choice, not collapsing possibilities, multiple available paths...potential. It may seem obvious, but it really, really wasn't.
The negative side of this, is that I believe more in potential because I am less satisfied with me. I was considerably unhappy in college and am not a good or diligent student; I left, and it was a good thing.
Good overall, but a severe blotch on my psyche nevertheless.
A stronger regret with the more time passes, and an equally firm certainty that I would do no better, and therefore, worse. I should have been, but am not that person. It still smarts.
If someone tells me now that I have potential, it will likely still come with a sting, but it is something I, hmm, also want/need to hear.
And all futures need not be evil. Who knew?
And, yes, I am ultimately? a pessimist.
Hard to believe this is more important to journal than any actual event you might care about, but there it is. :p Comment, though, and I'll have to keep coming back, and you'll undoubtedly hear much more. <3
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| Winter begins |
[November 18, 2008] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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Best winter coat. Check. Gloves. Also check. Ear coverings. In coat pocket. Brush/scraper for car to the front seat. Done. Snow? Yep! (Why else would I inventory these items?)
Went outside and played toss-and-destroy with Ginger and a very great many snowballs. Quite fun. However...she is going to make building snowmen rather difficult; I could roll a ball of snow to about watermelon size without too much interference, but then Ginger would attack it and bite it to bits. Despite the greatest weather for such this afternoon, my first snowman of the season is not yet built. I'm curious to see if and how quickly Ginger will assault a completed work of snow.
Melissa 's Dewey Decimal Section:
408 Kinds of persons treatment
Melissa 's birthday: 4/23/1985 = 423+1985 = 2408
Class:
400 Language
Contains:
Linguistics and language books.
What it says about you:
You value communication, even with people who are different from you. You like trying new things don't mind being exposed to unfamiliar territory. You get bored with routines that never change.
Find your Dewey Decimal Section at Spacefem.com
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[November 18, 2008] |
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mood |
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 sympathetic |
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music |
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Lisa Loeb "She's Falling Apart" |
] |
Random musing.
Many of favorite songs are quirky, fun and upbeat. In the music tone if not always the lyrics.
'Cause a sad, solemn song? Influences me just as much, which is too much. I don't need to find cause to be unhappy. That's too easy.
I just heard one. I want to listen to it again, because it's full of meaning, particularly in the way it was introduced--but I'm writing this mainly to distract myself from doing so.
It might make me cry.
Too easy, some days.
Note that if I'd ever compose song&lyrics, it would be embarrassing angst or appalling sap. Likely both.
And I cannot sing to myself in a major key for long. At all. Pretty much ever.
The world is saved by my lack of follow-through for any ambition.
{Not from this post, though; I'm not really sorry.}
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[October 8, 2008] |
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mood |
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 okay |
] |
I haven't posted in what seems forever... but, okay.
It's raining today. The house is quiet. I'm not working, and am procrastinating, I suppose, with what I should be doing. I fell asleep almost immediately last night, crocheting, then woke up automatically four hours later, stayed in bed with a book, and slept again after finishing.
As is sadly usual, when I catch up and exceed recommended hours of sleep, I end up with nightmarish dreams.
I'm not arachnophobic, and good thing--because in this dream I was pursued by a small venemous spider. It followed me around various rooms in the house and doors didn't stop it. Crawled across the floor, the walls, the ceiling...it ballooned its way through the air on a web line--in the house! When Dad came inside, he was endangered also, and I gave warnings, like "Don't go there, it's building a web across your door," and "Above you!" until it landed on his hand and he moved to squish it.
I woke up about then. Was he bit? Probably. Even awake, I was caught up in the dream: could we have made it to a hospital in time? What kind of spider was it, really? I knew it was poisonous, because someone {who? I don't recall} had a few exotic spiders as pets and they were loose. (I was aware of one other poisonous spider, but it wasn't threatening me at the time.) And I swear, our dog Ginger was even sinister. At the least, letting her outside from inside, or inside from outside {ESPECIALLY that} was dangerous for some reason. *shakes head*
I'm proud of me, though. The black jumping spider inhabiting the kitchen landed on me today as I added water to the bamboo on the windowsill, and I didn't even react beyond a pause and a 'yep, forgot about this spider.' ^___^
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[June 20, 2008] |
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mood |
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 drained |
] |
I almost feel caught up on sleep, with these two days off from work in a row :)
I've slept a lot...and the dreams I've missed are back!
I'm still feeling very tired, because it's like I've been living another life in my sleep, almost; so. many. details. in those dreams. Which are even now slipping away, but *shrug*.
Dreams such as--Mike, Mom, Katie and I, joining random people from town at the elementary school for a meeting: filibustering at a local level, a person able to take the classroom podium and chalkboard and give information about anything so long as they are talking, asking questions, selecting people to respond--who reply completely off-topic, smiling all the while, and the person resumes with an answer to their own question, etc. Mike and I were looking at puzzles, kids' science and art projects along the shelves and wall. {we criticized the ones by Kyle because they were all of his name} Things you might expect to see, a model of the solar system (complete with Pluto), a colorful abacus, and bookshelves. Katie and I were looking at those YA books and pointing out which we'd read or still intended to sometime. There was a collection of short stories I picked up just as I was saying, "I'm going to try reading more of Raymond E. Feist," and I look down at the book in hand, noticing his name on the cover as one of the authors. :P Katie handed me a new book by Eoin Colfer, with a red cover and a tortured face on it...
Another dream was taking somewhat dangerous animals from one zoo to another. Like a black bear. On a leash.
I spent a great deal of time with a young, extraordinarily cute, gray tiger. Her pen wasn't even ready, they were building it around us.
Hmm. I was at camp, up by some soccer fields, with fish and turtles in a clear stream, adding more fish, and putting in decorations like sculpted rocks, a theater mask, ?
Mom was there also.
Like a dream yesterday, there was one with Katie, Anna and her brother, but I'm losing it now.
Mom wants me to go out and pull some weeds; Poison ivy is springing up everywhere this year, so I'm going to have to be careful. The sunshine looks kinda nice. I'll make the best of it.
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| do not get comfortable... |
[June 2, 2008] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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music |
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"My Moon, My Man" Feist |
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If I feel somewhat complacent for the least little moment--WHAM!--an aggravation arrives, guaranteed. Just because it can. The shattering of an All-Clear by really little things accumulating.
Want to depend on a coworker? Good help is hard to find; I ought to know that by now.
Why can't there be more like me~~! [Not that this would altogether be the best thing--but my pet peeves would be quite reduced!]
I'm becoming less and less pleased at the prospect of an extra-early morning tomorrow. Didn't think it would bother me so much; I'm finding that since my last hour of work today was so frustrating, going back sooner is very annoying.
___
Ryan and I went to the theater last evening to see Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, and had a nice time. Both of us are mostly recovered from being sick. {Ugh! Never fun.} I read the novel in preparation at least a month ago and that was perfect. I was excited in advance for what I knew would happen, but not really nitpicking details. Appreciated the movie.
I'm amused at how having an attractive cast makes such a difference :P
Katie borrowed the movie "Death Note" from a friend, so I was able to enjoy that (eventually~ finding time took at least a week). There are some surprises where events and cast are altered from the manga~~overall, I think the movie very well put together. <3 Light is monumentally less charismatic in the movie than in the manga, but L really shines. Ryuk is freaky--he's supposed to be!--and his eating apples actually seems a bit sinister, rather than comical...
So I rate both of those worth watching, better if you've read the source the movies are based on ^_^
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[May 15, 2008] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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Nathan Hedges |
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It's open season here for clover hunting! ^__^
These past two weeks have had some of the best searching days, but it's not too late yet!
I picked fourteen 5-leaf clovers and ten 4-leaf ones from a few patches on the lawn today, and can add that to earlier tallies this season--still only about thirty to my sister's eighty, but I don't really feel the need to match that amount.
I wish you luck!
[if you can't find any, I may be willing to send you a pressed one :)]
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[March 19, 2008] |
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mood |
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okay |
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The rain falls. It's only a few degrees above freezing.
Why do I nearly never have activity-encouraging, nice weather on a day I'm not working?
To spare me the guilt of wasting one more easily wonderful? I want sunshine. *sigh*
Had uneasy dreams last night/this morning. Yesterday, too, but I have no clue what those ones were about. My most recent was a camping trip: cabin in the woods, Mom and Katie, other girls, other people--likely a Girl Scout gathering, but not necessarily, and not at a familiar site. I led a quest for real toilets as we were setting up, late afternoon.
I got us slightly lost.
My younger companions revealed that they were idiots who were letting me lead them blindly when they had maps. I found this out when we came across a guy and his friend, fishing, and asked if they knew the way. *flutter* Out come the maps, and a "would you show us" chorus, which was frustrating 'cause I could've followed the stupid thing had I known of its existence.
As usual, the map was an interesting bit of paper. It was in color, showing the same season as the surroundings (early Autumn), and it wasn't fixed. The guy rotated and shifted the items on the map to make our destination the center point, without moving the paper it was printed on. ...Obviously, not something print can actually do.
I realize internet, technology capabilities make this much less intriguing/impressive, but I love that this still happens in my dreams. It's recurrent.
We arrived at the fine-gravel parking lot, and met up with others camping nearby. It became a bit too crowded, so I backed away. I was waiting for some of these people to clear out. It was noisy.
I soon learned that inside the nearby building, poison ivy prevention was offered. Sounded like a good idea.
But I preferred risking the poison ivy, after all. What sort of protective measure involves power drills? Freaky. Even my dream-self thought so. Wasn't this supposed to be a cream? Or a *shudder* shot? I think it was an exaggeration of a needle...
In any case, I wasn't happy. And I woke up. Not nightmare level, not terror...but not very nice.
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[February 10, 2008] |
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mood |
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amused |
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I'm discovering the joys of gossip.
This could be dangerous ;)
A spate of transfers at work--manager level, no less--landed me more "in the know" than I can usually claim.
'Cause a manager coming to my current location is the manager from my original location, and people asked me to give my opinion and verify rumors and others' impressions.
They're mostly nervous. I'm enjoying the tension, and not doing my utmost to alleviate it, because I'm too amused [and honest. I won't refute what could very well be true, if unflattering? They're shaken up, and I say Good! So mean, I am]. And it works the other way: I know a manager headed to the store my brother still works at. They'll like him.
I've been remarkably prideful lately. *scratches head* I may come to regret it.
I had quite a few more things to write about, but my eyes are getting even more tired; time to sleep instead [if I can keep myself from picking up my book, that is. Em, I also credit you with my picking up of The Count of Monte Cristo. You know why ;)]
Katie finally has watched some Detective Conan! Hooray! Hurrah! She could continue doing so for months, now...
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| nothing much, but something |
[February 8, 2008] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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>>>
I notice I'm more often fragile of mood, lately, but I notice my mood more lately, and have cycled back into a psyche self-evaluation period.
I need some sunshiny empty-headedness.
On the other hand, I like feeling creative, and my increased tendencies toward solitude lead to that, somehow.
I've been assaulted by story plotbunnies again, and wonder if I will actually do something about them while they're active, and I've been reading more [which is, indeed, very possible]; I haven't put my crocheting aside yet, though after Christmas the impulse usually goes dormant; the piano has been tuned and I dusted off a couple songs I used to play; I accomplish very little but write to-do lists filled with grand intentions.
All in all, I feel well. Just finding it of note that I feel anxious without cause and claustrophobic effects are higher than they were.
[I can't stand as peacefully in the shut-down-but-still-warm oven anymore. I also won't let it prevent me, so it seems I went in more rather than less often today. Stubborn XD ]
Work today ended well! I had little necessary to do, ended that with time to spare *gasp* and got to play around building icing roses with our store's cake decorator and another who is shadowing her to see the responsibilities involved to be moved (we think) to her own store. They boosted my ego and say they think I could decorate, also.
I'm not sure how much of my enjoyment is the novelty, or else I'd really be pursuing the attempt. Still, fun. ^_^
My latest dream involved driving southwest of my house through areas of greater countryside, headed somewhere for Katie. But I left my map at home, and *shrug* didn't know how to get where I was supposed to. I was fetched, instead. But no one really cared. Peaceful.
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[February 5, 2008] |
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mood |
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 lethargic |
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A mostly forgotten reason I don't usually read horror novels: they give ammunition to my nightmares.
This is the first time I can ever recall being stalked by anything resembling a mummy. Ridiculous, really...
So. It just so happened that I, and friends, and family, were at a park in this dream. Track and field competitions nearby, but no one I'm specifically interested in, and I am old enough in this dream to have graduated. [staying my true age, not something that can be taken for granted in a dream.] I am in a Good Mood, not the slightest bit bothered by us having missed the city bus. [What's Grandma doing here? And buses don't run on rails!] We crossed broad streets on foot while the traffic stopped at lights... My older sister was ahead and I was tracking her progress to see where we should follow, and then I dashed off--running along the sidewalk and leaping when I felt like it, light enough on my feet to only touch down every half-block. [I can do this in pleasant dreams. *grin*] The trees are green and in leaf, and I test how high I can jump straight up while beside one--not over the maple's height, but almost equal to mid-canopy, or about thirty feet, at my highest. Such fun. And of course, had to show off to Sarah, who was impressed and began calling other's attention to me.
Next in the dream, I was trying the difficult method of gaining height without jumping first--namely, flying. "Think happy thoughts" pretty much sums it up, as you have to be rather euphoric to be successful. Success feeds success, and failure causes failure. So, I was happy enough to give it a try, but nervous because last time it didn't work as well as it could, and that fear meant I was struggling, and struggling meant that next time I tried I might not get myself off the ground at all, and that added some desperation, which is not a good emotion to have when trying to fly, etc. I moved to the ladder ropes, and hovered inches over what would have been holds, sort of miming climbing.
And then came the turn of events.
Young person comes with awful news about the return of evil what-have-you, all she can do is give warning though she's not supposed to, but I have no idea how to stop it this time [wait, I was at all a part of a small group which halted supernatural evil before but now the two who knew what they were about are dead? @_@] I sag into the ropes, and they become less support, more reminiscent of helpless entanglement, as above, a shirtless man shoves a blonde-haired mother off the platform with the high slide, and she falls--to her death? Maybe not, but injured, certainly.
I'm so heavy, and somehow I become the target of this life-draining man-who-ought-to-be-dead. Where I've kicked him in the side to escape becomes gaunt, and injury and time is represented on him by a spreading hollowness and stretching of features. The worse he looks the more endangered I am, and he gets ugly. Some function of a magic circle has designated me as a necessary next victim, so that I'm priority over all the other panicking people I know in this park. Great, really...if I had the slightest idea how to stop this, which I haven't. I just keep running...
It's not resolved before I wake up, but at least I woke up, yes? ^_^;
A week or two ago I read the first four Tanya Huff Blood books. Let's see, the mummy was in the third...so, Blood Lines is the source of this villain. Technically, the first three are dark fantasy, not horror, which is why I still enjoyed reading them, I guess ;)
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[December 19, 2007] |
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mood |
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gloomy |
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So, to cheer me up and as an example of a nice recent event: I am holding my favorite poetry anthology, on loan from the high school library. My much-beloved younger sister checked it out for me. :) There was a specific poem in it I wanted to relocate, because I was stumbling when I tried to recite it.
Turns out, I knew it better than I thought I did, but now it's ALL in order :p
A CHRONICLE
Once--but no matter when--
There lived--no matter where--
A man, whose name--but then
I need not that declare.
He--well, he had been born,
And so he was alive;
His age--I details scorn--
Was somethingty and five.
He lived--how many years
I truly can't decide;
But this one fact appears
He lived--until he died.
"He died" I have averred,
But cannot prove 't was so,
But that he was interred,
At any rate I know.
I fancy he'd a son,
I hear he had a wife:
Perhaps he'd more than one,
I know not, on my life!
But whether he was rich,
Or whether he was poor,
Or neither--both--or which,
I cannot say, I'm sure.
I can't recall his name
Or what he used to do:
But then--well, such is fame!
'T will so serve me and you.
And that is why I thus,
About this unknown man
Would fain create a fuss,
To rescue, if I can.
From dark oblivion's blow,
Some record of his lot;
But, ah! I do not know
Who--where--when--why--or what.
MORAL
In this brief pedigree
A moral we should find--
But what it ought to be
Has quite escaped my mind!
Anonymous.
Wells, Carolyn. A Nonsense Anthology. Dover Publications: New York, 1958.
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| To A Mouse |
[November 28, 2007] |
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mood |
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 predatory |
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The poor wee mousie...had better get out of my bedroom before it destroys anything important. Objects piled high on every elevated surface, and still can't corner and catch it. Allowing it to leave my room is an option--except then it will be loose to go ANYwhere in the house, and I guarantee it will not proceed invisibly back outside.
So, mouse. I have tried to trap you, and you are too quick for me, even with help. I am running out of humane methods of removal...and I have no inhumane ones immediately at hand, either. Rounds 1-5, apparently, go to you.
And my room looks much messier, and I've lost most of the organization I did have. My floor is much, much emptier, but I still can't find you. Reliably. Goodness, little furry grey mousie, you're cute. But you don't belong in here. MY room.
Mice heartbeats? 600 per minute? Yeah, they're living at a different speed than the rest of us. Especially me. Closer I get to it, the harder it is to even see the thing flee. So what's it's heartrate when it zips out of/into areas? Don't think I'll be scaring it to death, at any rate. *sigh* Pretty soon, it'll figure I'm so ineffective it won't need to run as fast. Not a serious threat, hmmm...Mach 2...
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| Holiday |
[November 22, 2007] |
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mood |
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thankful |
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Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
Good ol' American holiday.
I give thanks for many things today--and should probably list them so I can count blessings, 'cause I'm feeling rather more worn down than I think I ought, but no. Suffice to say I'm counting more non-negatives than positives at this point, which is almost, but not quite, the same.
Wish you all well <3
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[November 12, 2007] |
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mood |
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 determined |
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Third-time blood donor today! (Noteworthy occasion.) Had enough courage, went there on my own, and everything. Overly-solicitous staff, at times. Wouldn't let me get up afterward for a while even to go across the room. Kept asking periodically if I was okay. You'd think a few tears signify a person not suited for this...
Did just fine. Better each time.
And I realize I want the attention, need someone to know just how brave I'm being, but that doesn't mean to excess--lie on the cot and have them bring me juice? Let me off so the next person in line can have it, really.
Met a person there who knew me, one of the recipients of one of Lady's puppies years and years ago; discovered that they lost that dog the same summer Lady died. I don't think any of her really lives on. Sad.
Had the day off, slept in obscenely late. Caught up on the hours I've missed and all the dreams, too. Nod to "The Ugly Duckling" of sorts with my family keeping a Canada Goose that thought it was a chicken--we were happy when it came back after flying south for the winter. Had to assimilate one dream with my BF suggesting a hiking jaunt through Camp Ledgewood, just enough realism included to wonder if he really did, but no. One scholastic dream, not a nightmare, but strange shifts of setting, I remember. *shrug* probably should have gotten up earlier, but it's time not easily regretted. Comfy.
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[November 3, 2007] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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Not the best time to post--but if I don't now, I'm not sure when I will next. *sigh* I'm tired enough my mood is changing every half minute x_x
Staying busy enough, largely doing well. Work is chaotic but a bit easier for this brief period of time a new hire is being trained, yay! So far, I like her, but I, as usual, flip between wanting to help and show her everything and resenting the possibility that she'll be/is better than me somehow. Not going to act negatively, of course, as much as I can help. Not her fault I'm insecure.
I purchased some few more skeins of yarn for larger crocheting projects than I usually accomplish. Hope to have my 1st afghan done by Christmas. Whether more will follow...merchandizing says this is the very start of a hopeful season, but don't expect I'll give you one even though I'd really like to, okay? I feel I'm the only one who really worries extensively about gifts, and before Thanksgiving this year, I am starting early @_@
I've slept pretty well the last couple of nights, gone to sleep early and everything! So, yes, I dreamt...though didn't trouble myself to make record of them upon waking. The latest involved ( Read more... )
Prob'ly won't sleep enough this--morning--but oh, well. As long as I get enough not to grump too much tomorrow.
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[October 26, 2007] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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So, vacation here is almost over. As usual, I'm not at all ready to go home yet. Well, except for the sake of my car. Pittsburgh lacks easy parking, and I've been--perhaps understandably so--greatly concerned about where I leave it since my car was towed. (Unfairly? I think it was mean, but in a place where parking is scarce, out-of-state plates are an easy target. Not likely to be registered with the apartment building, at least...I paid a parking meter on the street today for my peace of mind.)
Thankfully, I have it back. A few more new experiences richer, such as a "Where'd it go?" moment, watching a display of Em's capability while I'm still blank-faced, riding in a cab, and, well, this may be one of the more memorable events because it's a mishap, but the trip's been great fun.
The Carnegie Main library here is impressive, in both book/media volume and in architecture. It's a shame I can't check a whole lotta stuff out, yes? I've a few items out on Em's card, but I'm only here...not enough time longer. There's a neat collection of stories in French for the French I or II student from the college library--I haven't made it through the first story, if I will, but it has reminded me of words I've forgotten and has shown me phrases I can recognize but would not have used on my own.
I sat in on one writing class *shrug*. Not bad, but doesn't make me want to jump back into curriculum ;)
Chambray, Em's new cat, is settling in very well. I'd hoped so, and am happy to see it.
I've been crocheting--this is the time of year I start that up again--and I have hopes I can make a small, colorful, blanket. I always fail at any larger projects; generally, anything over a square foot is something to be proud of, because I seldom stick with it long enough. This time, though, I've a base about the size of a scarf. I'd almost want to end it here, 'cause I haven't successfully made one of those, either, but...nah.
I'm excited to see more of Em's friends later, and I wish I could stay longer with all of them. I'll leave after we all go out to dinner. *tear*
Unless something happens to my car...
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| LiveJournal auto-post |
[October 24, 2007] |
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mood |
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amused |
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baaaa.
Too many people on my friends page did this quiz; I feel I must also.
status update: I am well, Christmas was enjoyable, after all, I actually went out for New Year's Eve and had a flat face with coarse features. A pale, roughly-chiseled face that I recall being charmingly adolescent yet ugly. I never got his name *sigh* I hope he got his stuff back...I didn't even take the loose change from his [red]sportsbag, just zipped it into an interior pocket.
The restroom I went to work, and was able to come home and complain, and did not have to be on guard instead against banning the positives in fear of the negatives, because my natural state of "blah" is too neutral to feel like I'm really living. It's something I'm working on. I let myself be really cheerful earlier, and now I'm feeling gloomy with just as little reason, or less. It's still better than not expressing my depthless love for my elder sis. But, oh, sometimes I wish I could charge entry to my brain, or offer it free of charge to select psychologists/psychiatrists/counselors (with an at-your-own-risk waiver, of course. *snicker* I wouldn’t be TOO cruel… ).
Not all of my day pretty much inside there. I have done so here, as well, but only because I haven't been able to use the computer much for days and days. Therefore, there have been no updates in quite a while...
My sister's wedding is this week! We're all going nuts now. I also am working 32 hrs this week and 40 next, which is more than the flesh and tissue can account for. You tend to take a pain reliever to reduce a burgeoning headache before finishing, nor desperately seek tasks to take me away from my tethered region while a coworker enables its jarring disruption.
The bread slicer is so much not its usual self, now, that I can't help but find it more, rather than less, malevolent. Without its dangerous bluster and warning, "Listen to me! Aren't I SHARP?" it just seems quietly menacing; "You won't realize until it's too late..." The slicer is sulking; it's been working towards that volume for years, and though its sound has dulled significantly, its cutting blades have not.
Now that I no longer need to shout, I have the impulse to tread lightly and whisper.
Maybe I've been working too hard, that I personify bakery objects--in my defense, the slicer has the most personality. The rest aren't as insistent upon attention.
[edit: this entry above is ENTIRELY generated. To the all-too-appropriate me=the sheep/imitator.]
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[October 12, 2007] |
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journal=not forgotten.
(just neglected.)
But! An event of sorts to be recorded and remembered: Today was a good day at work. Not for the ease of workload, not for all easily satisfied customers, not for making no mistakes--because those, of course, weren't the case, as usual--but because I. felt. appreciated.
A rarity. I made a mistake, grumbled at myself, and that voiced self-condemnation was negated instead of reinforced! Trust me, I'm hard enough on myself in general that further criticism is not necessary.
Without prodding, I have been known to not leave my work area for break time. How can I leave so much undone? But that, thankfully, isn't too frequent. (It can get me in trouble with the Union, for one.) I'm such a lazy person, overall, but you wouldn't know that from seeing me there. And tardiness? is only really when I'm leaving...like today XD I had to go to the desk and have them write me out, because I lost my acceptable window of time to clock out electronically--I worked an extra half hour today without noticing. Happily busy, trying to get as much done as I could, until my friendly coworker says, "Don't you leave at 4:30 today?" Ooops.
I've had some really not nice days at work, and I see many more in my future, but in between are days like today, which are not awful. :)
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la_librarienne's journal